Alex

When I was 19, I saw a movie about a transgender man, called, “Boys Don’t Cry.” For the first time, I was seeing parts of myself I hadn’t seen before. The movie ends tragically, because he gets raped and killed. I returned to the theater many times, because I kept hoping to see the ending change. 

When my daughter was five, she told me she was trans. I felt overwhelmed, and started therapy to learn how be the parent she needed. I realized I didn’t know how to support her, because I didn’t understand myself. With the help of a queer therapist, I realized that I’m trans. That’s when the bottom fell out. Because most trans stories in the media are about trauma and murder, I had a fear of dying. My body was telling me, “Don’t be trans, because you’re going to die.” 

I was with my wife when I finally allowed myself to say the words “I am trans.” I was lying on the floor. I felt so broken. My body shook and I was crying hysterically. My reaction was  intense, because I was finally being authentic. Fear moved out, and self-love moved in. In that moment, I began to challenge the negative perceptions we all have about what it means to be transgender.

As an athlete, I have mental resilience and stamina. I understand how to push myself mentally and physically to make changes. I’m fortunate that I have those qualities, because transitioning takes hard work. I had to rebuild my life.

My wife and I are still together.  I’m lucky, because typically, about 30 percent of couples don’t stay together when one person transitions. My wife is deeply compassionate, a fierce advocate, and always supportive. I wouldn’t be where I am without her. We imploded our lives for truth, and we’re still together. My insides are no longer in so much chaos, and I found that there is beauty and light on the other side of the pain, once you get past the fear.

Now I get to wake up every day next to my beautiful wife. Even if the world is in turmoil, I get to wake up with joy, here in our home, with our family and each other, and there is peace.